After further deliberation....

      I think a lot. Like, a lot, a lot. About everything I've ever accomplished in life. Everything I've done wrong. Everything I need to do. I think, constantly. Its rare - in fact, I can't solidly remember the last time my mind has just gone blank. Though this last weekend is one of the few times I've got completely raw, existed completely by instinct alone, or at least shown it. I haven't done that in years. But I digress, as that topic can be a conversation for another time. Right now, I need to streamline these thoughts into something solid. Converge them into one point, and accurately represent them in proper words, at least one point at a time. Still, this might seem quite scatterbrained, so bear with me. And if you have any questions, please feel more than free to address them to me after the meeting. Thanks.

     I've always been clingy. Whether its someone I'm dating, close friends, sometimes even family, I've always been that way. I never really thought about why, just that I liked to show the people I care about just how much I care. But I realize, after giving much thought, especially as of late, that the reason that I'm so clingy is because I'm scared. I'm scared about losing those that I'm so close to. The closer someone is to me, the more I feel the need to express that bond, however overbearing it might be. I feel this compulsive need to latch on, and never let go. Even if I just want to play a game, I want someone to be around. When I talk, seemingly to myself, its because I hope someone is listening. I want someone to hear me, to acknowledge my words, and to respond; to show me that they care enough to listen. So I guess I do have some fear in me after all. I'm absolutely terrified of being alone.

     Also, there are those who would say that I have a detachment from the world/reality/whatever you feel like calling it. I often like to refer to myself as a Time Lord. This is both a bold faced lie, and the ultimate truth. I often don't feel like I belong to this world, like I don't belong as part of these humans. I often refer to myself as non-human, and, in honesty, I do feel like that. I feel like I was born to be something greater, something better. Not in the sense of superiority. More like the next step in "evolution." An ascended being. It makes me seem delusional. And maybe I am. But I like to think its kept me from making a plethora of bad decisions, and for helping people as much as I can. I also think its one of the devices that enable to step aside from my emotions, from things that might impair or bias my judgment, so that I might better understand all sides of the situation at hand, as opposed to making rash, possibly regretful decisions. I like to think that this so called "detachment" is the one thing that enables to rationalize and sympathize with people more than most others might. So forgive me if its not something I change any time soon. So the next time that you see a T.A.R.D.I.S., look around. You might just see me vanish around the corner.

       Anywho, I think that's everything. Well, for now anyway. There's more. There's always more. But right now, I think that's enough debriefing into my head to keep you kids talking amongst yourself for a while. I'd worry that you might think I'm weird, but who am I fooling. You already do. And honestly, I'm ok with this. Its not necessarily all that bad. Makes life a bit more interesting for everyone, don't you think? ;) Alas, tis here we must part. But I leave you with this parting bit of intellectual candy: How soon is too soon, if forever is just another moment in time?